Really now, are you sure you want to do that? Don’t you know
that divorce isn’t the answer? You get one divorce and all you’re going is
setting yourself up for a string of divorces. And what about your kids? Yeah, I
saw that; you’re talking about replacing their motherboard. Don’t you know that
you can’t replace a kid’s mother? Why, you might get another woman to do the
housework, but she’ll never be his mother. The most you can expect is that
they’ll develop a fondness for her as a step-motherboard.
You know, you’d be a lot better off just fixing the
relationship you have. In the long run, that’ll work out better for everyone.
After all, whatever problems you have in this relationship are going to get
carried over into the next one. Just ask any woman, all the problems in your
marriage are your fault, not hers.
If you do decide that you have to replace her, remember,
replacing a motherboard can be pretty expensive. You’ve got to figure in
alimony, child support and the horrendous fees that lawyers charge. I guarantee
you, you’re not going to win out on this deal.
What if you lose custody of the little hard drives? You
know, she might get them. Then, it won’t be so much an issue of replacing the
motherboard as replacing the fatherboard. Yeah, have you thought of that?
That’s a big deal. You could end up out on the trash heap, all alone, without
anyone to connect to. Then what’ll you do?
So, like I said, you’re better off fixing the motherboard
you have, instead of replacing her. Now, you really can’t fix her, all you can
fix is you. Yeah, that’s right, you can’t change her at all; at least not in a
direct way. The only thing you can do is change you, and hope that the changes
in you will bring about a change in her.
Actually, that’s more effective anyway. The problems you
have with her probably have a lot to do with you. Are you sure you’re giving
her the right input? How about your power connection, is it good for her? Maybe
you’re filling up her memory with so much garbage, that the good stuff can’t
come out. You’ve heard it, “Garbage in, garbage out.”
Steps to Replacement
Okay, so I haven’t convinced you. Well, if you’re still
going to replace your motherboard, here’s how to do it.
- You’ve got to power down the system before doing anything, and get everything disconnected from the case. Open it up and you’ll see the motherboard laying there.
- First of all, make sure you have all your documentation in order. You’re never going to get things to come out the way you want if you don’t have the right information.
- Next, find yourself a good lawyer. These things can be tricky, and you want to make sure that you have the right protection. You’ve need one that’s well grounded, to protect you and the new motherboard from a shock.
- Get everything out of the way that could cause problems. Motherboards can be a bit hard to get to, with everything in the way. So, if there’s anything between you and her, be sure to disconnect it and take it out of the way.
- Remove all her connections. You don’t want anything keeping you from getting her out of there, once you unscrew her.
- Unscrew the motherboard. Not all motherboards are held in with screws, but most have at least a few. There are probably a bunch of standoffs, which she’ll need to be lifted off from. That can be touchy, as unhooking one standoff can cause another one to grab hold.
- Once you’ve removed the old motherboard, you can install the new one. It should go in right where the old one was. You’ll need to reconnect everything to her and reinstall all the little cards. They may not connect in the same places as the old ones did, but the connectors will be the same.
Conclusion
Replacing your motherboard can make your computer hotter. Be
sure that you keep her well ventilated so that she doesn’t overheat. Hopefully,
everything will work out okay and you’ll enjoy your life with your newer,
faster motherboard. If not, you’re stuck with her, you’ve already thrown the
old one away, so there’s nothing you can do about it.
Note to the reader: If you don't know what a motherboard is, it's the main circuit board in a computer. I just twisted the meaning a bit to write this.
