The Monday Conspiracy

Let me start by saying that I’m really not into conspiracy theories, although I have seen a few that make me wonder…  Anyway, have you ever noticed how many people don’t like Mondays? I used to think that it was people’s imaginations when they said that Mondays were always bad. It was like they were expecting it to be bad, so they were looking for it to be bad, so they had a bad attitude, so everything ended up being bad. Kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Nevertheless, I have finally found compelling evidence that shows me that Mondays are truly a conspiracy. Yes, they’re a conspiracy to make us hate 1/7 of our life. Why anyone would want to make so many people miserable is beyond me. However, there is no question that there is a secret society, whose sole goal is to make everyone hate Mondays. What? You don’t believe me? Look at this:

• Almost all workplaces start the work week on Monday. If there were no conspiracy, why wouldn’t some of them start on Tuesday, or Wednesday?
• There are no traffic jams on Saturday of Sunday, yet every Monday morning, millions of people are stuck in a long line of creeping traffic.
• Many companies pay on Friday, ensuring that their employees blow their paychecks over the weekend and have to go back to work on Monday.
• Monday night football has much lower viewership than Sunday football, showing that most people are too tired and too bummed out to even watch football.
• Less is accomplished in any workplace on Mondays than any other day of the week, except Fridays. Of course, on Fridays, everyone is too busy thinking about the weekend to think about work.
• If it weren’t for Mondays, everyone could have a perpetual weekend. While not much work would get done, people would be happier, doing what they want to do, rather than doing what they have to do.

So, why is it that this secret society is working so hard to ruin everyone’s Mondays? The only thing that makes sense is to try and get people to quit their jobs. Yes, this society is against the free enterprise, capitalistic system that makes our economy strong. They’re working to being down industry, making America a country of unemployed people who are dependent upon government aid to function.

This clearly must be a move on the parts of our foreign competitors. If the old Soviet Union was still around, I’d say that they were a prime candidate. However, with their demise, we must look elsewhere. It seems that it would have to be some of the Pacific Rim countries, who are benefiting from American companies sending our manufacturing jobs overseas.

Think of it. If the Chinese or Japanese can get us to quit being a productive society, they guarantee that we’ll buy their products. There won’t be any “buy American” campaigns, because there won’t be any American products to buy. All they have to do is get American’s to quit producing, and they guarantee their market dominance for the next 50 years or more. Quite a business strategy, isn’t it?

You have to realize that to stop working doesn’t mean that we’ll stop consuming. We’re the biggest society of consumers in the world. Our lives are built around consuming; we’re taught how to be consumers from the first moment we look at a television. So, of course, we’ll keep on consuming.

What’s that? How will we keep on consuming when we’re not working? Simple; credit cards. The average American already spends ten percent more than they earn. So, if you take away the income side of the equation, then we can manage to spend 110 percent of what we earn. Actually, it’ll be more than that, since we’ll have more time to consume, without all that pesky time lost working.

So, there you have it. Don’t fall for that conspiracy. Embrace your Mondays! Be part of the one percent that actually enjoys going to work! Don’t let foreign competition break you down!