The Highest Life Form

Scientists have told us for centuries that man is the highest form of life on our planet. Our ability to think, make tools, write and even have opposing digits on our hands makes us the kings of our world, with all other life forms being subservient to us. We tame animals and show them off in zoos and circuses, just to show our mastery over nature.

Only, the scientists have overlooked one major little fact, that is, we humans have been domesticated by higher life forms for centuries. Yes, the domestic dog and the domestic cat are the true rulers of the world, not us puny humans.

Think about it, what does a house dog or cat have to do, but lay around all day, maybe play a little and have some human pet them when they want. Yes, these creatures who we call “pets” are the true masters of the world. They are so smart and wise that they’ve made us think that we domesticated them, while all the while they’re the ones who have domesticated us.

Is there any creature that feeds you, just because you’re there? Does anybody open your door to let you out, just because you so command? Is anyone else paying your doctor’s bills, or do you have to pay them yourself? For that matter, who’s your chauffeur? I’m sure that you chauffeur your dog your cat around as needed.

Let me mention here that there’s a centuries old conflict between these two races for mastery over the world. The dogs and cats have battled across the continents for the right to be the master race. At this point in time, they’re at somewhat of an armed truce, realizing that they need to have some semblance of peace to keep their domestic humans taking care of them. Nevertheless, the natural hatred that these two master races have for each other is evident, breaking out in chase scenes in every neighborhood.

The great differences between these two superior races shows in the way that they treat their human slaves. Cats, assured of their own superiority, always present themselves as aloof, making their humans chase after their affection. They use this in order to receive offerings of the choicest morsels, while they laze in the warmth of the sun.

Dogs, on the other hand, have taken a much different approach to handling their humans, being friendly and playful, so that their humans will do as they want. Why, they have some humans so well trained, that the human will throw a ball for hours, just so that the dog can play. How’s that for service? These crafty dogs even manage to convince their humans that they are loving towards the humans. No, they aren’t loving, they just want to be loved; getting close to a crying human is the most sure way they know to get a hug.

Dogs love to show off their humans. They’ll drag that person all around the park, on the end of a leash, just to show off their mastery of their biped servants to other dogs. Why, some even get their humans to pick up their droppings and carry them back home. Isn’t that service? 

When will mankind wake up to this reality? What will it take for us to throw off these evil oppressors and become truly free? While we think that dogs and cats are our friends and pets, we are being used by them, as their servants. Some are even so brainwashed, that they’ve taken on the side of their masters, becoming “cat people” or “dog lovers” to the exclusion of the other race.

How sad to see this slavery. Where is the American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Humans when we need their protection so much?

Why not Return to Slavery?

Before reading this, please note, it is not a racist posting. I was thinking of the slavery back in the Roman times when I came up with this idea, not the slavery that existed here in the United States.

Today, more than ever, employers are struggling to find good workers to staff their companies. While there are a surfeit of people who appear to have the right qualifications, most of them seem to be lacking in one important area… that of working. They’ll come to work (once they finally get up), put in their time, and go through the motions. But, as for actually getting any work done, that’s another story.

They’d be glad to work if they just had the time, energy and interest. But, you see, they’ve got to keep up with their Facebook page, their friend’s tweets, e-mails, the latest YouTube posts and of course everyone who calls them while they’re at work. Just let them get through the next call, 14 e-mails, 3 videos and 47 tweets, then if nothing new shows up, they’ll be ready to work.

C’mon now, is that unreasonable? Why, that’s what they did all through school, so that’s what they’re trained to do. If you, as an employer, could just see the value of all that, you’d see that they’re definitely worthy of a promotion and a raise as well.

No wonder employers long for the days of slavery. Just think, to have employees which you could literally chain to their workstations, whipping them to produce more and more. Why, it would save a fortune on supervisory skills training, recruitment and even employee benefits. Just think of all the benefits in having a dedicated workforce, who weren’t always looking over the fence to see if the grass was greener on the other side.

There’s an advantage to the employee, or slave, as well. In today’s flaky economy, many are out of work or worried about losing their jobs. Why, slavery creates the greatest job security there is. This is a true lifetime employment contract; right up till the moment of death. Even Japan has given up the pretense of those contracts, but by the simple act of returning to slavery, we can have them going once again.

Think of the increase in productivity. As slave owners, business managers could take away people’s cell phones, e-mail, even Facebook accounts. No longer would all those distractions keep people from getting their work done, they could focus on their work, not on their smart phone.

Supervision of slaves is much simpler as well. All that is needed is a mean supervisor with a whip and a chair. For supervisory training, they could be sent to the circus to watch the lion tamer. After all, dealing with snarling cats is an awful lot like dealing with some employees, especially before they have their second cup of coffee.

So, to sum it up, you can see that there would be several advantages in returning to the good old days of slavery. It wouldn’t even affect the hearts and minds of the employees much as most already think of themselves as slaves and call their bosses their “slave driver.”