Why not Return to Slavery?

Before reading this, please note, it is not a racist posting. I was thinking of the slavery back in the Roman times when I came up with this idea, not the slavery that existed here in the United States.

Today, more than ever, employers are struggling to find good workers to staff their companies. While there are a surfeit of people who appear to have the right qualifications, most of them seem to be lacking in one important area… that of working. They’ll come to work (once they finally get up), put in their time, and go through the motions. But, as for actually getting any work done, that’s another story.

They’d be glad to work if they just had the time, energy and interest. But, you see, they’ve got to keep up with their Facebook page, their friend’s tweets, e-mails, the latest YouTube posts and of course everyone who calls them while they’re at work. Just let them get through the next call, 14 e-mails, 3 videos and 47 tweets, then if nothing new shows up, they’ll be ready to work.

C’mon now, is that unreasonable? Why, that’s what they did all through school, so that’s what they’re trained to do. If you, as an employer, could just see the value of all that, you’d see that they’re definitely worthy of a promotion and a raise as well.

No wonder employers long for the days of slavery. Just think, to have employees which you could literally chain to their workstations, whipping them to produce more and more. Why, it would save a fortune on supervisory skills training, recruitment and even employee benefits. Just think of all the benefits in having a dedicated workforce, who weren’t always looking over the fence to see if the grass was greener on the other side.

There’s an advantage to the employee, or slave, as well. In today’s flaky economy, many are out of work or worried about losing their jobs. Why, slavery creates the greatest job security there is. This is a true lifetime employment contract; right up till the moment of death. Even Japan has given up the pretense of those contracts, but by the simple act of returning to slavery, we can have them going once again.

Think of the increase in productivity. As slave owners, business managers could take away people’s cell phones, e-mail, even Facebook accounts. No longer would all those distractions keep people from getting their work done, they could focus on their work, not on their smart phone.

Supervision of slaves is much simpler as well. All that is needed is a mean supervisor with a whip and a chair. For supervisory training, they could be sent to the circus to watch the lion tamer. After all, dealing with snarling cats is an awful lot like dealing with some employees, especially before they have their second cup of coffee.

So, to sum it up, you can see that there would be several advantages in returning to the good old days of slavery. It wouldn’t even affect the hearts and minds of the employees much as most already think of themselves as slaves and call their bosses their “slave driver.”