The Conspiracy of the Poopie Diapers

It’s a well known fact that women go to the bathroom together so that they can hold their union meetings. That’s where they plot and plan against men, deciding what they’re going to do to get even. Of course, nobody ever defined what it is that they need to get even for, but women everywhere seem to understand that universal need.

One of the evilest schemes to ever come out of the women’s restroom is the conspiracy of the poopie diapers. Yes, this is one conspiracy theory that’s real. One which was hatched in the ladies room, somewhere between the main course and dessert.

The central theme of this plot is to force husbands everywhere to deal with the most dreaded of toxic substances… the poopie diaper. Men everywhere strive hard to avoid this task, but we’re regularly outfoxes by the wiliness of the female of our species. Their superior cunning and craftiness finds a way to back men into a corner, where they are forced with facing those diapers and what they contain.

Since men aren’t all that comfortable around babies in the first place, it gives women great pleasure to do what they can to increase this sense of discomfort. Their ultimate act, their big gun you might say, is leaving a man alone with a baby, who poops five minutes after she leaves the house. He’s then stuck with changing the diaper, or leaving the baby crying and wallowing in its poop for the next three hours.

The secret to this exercise in revenge is the timing of feeding the baby. Everyone knows that eating triggers a reflex action in the body to eliminate waste. This is the key to making this plot work. By feeding the baby just before leaving, the woman is assured that her husband will be stuck with that dirty diaper, five minutes after she’s out of sight. They probably drive away laughing, checking their watches and doing a countdown until the moment of poop.

Women who are truly skilled in the use of this strategy even plan ahead; feeding the baby foods for two or three meals ahead of time, which are specifically selected to cause diarrhea. That way, the affect of the diaper is even more magnified, along with the urgency of changing it.

Rumors have it that there are even secret formulas which women can buy, which increase the stench coming from the poop and making the task even more odious. Yes, secret web sites, carefully guarded and only accessible to women sell these additives; with the guarantee to turn even the most nose-dead man’s stomach.

“Why,” you might ask, “would women want to do such a thing to their husbands? A very good question. The base motivation is revenge. Have you ever been in the delivery room, when a woman was giving birth to her baby? When women are in the transitional phase of childbirth, they vow to get even with their husbands for getting them pregnant. Well, guess what? Here is the revenge. It’s subtle, but the greatest thing about it is that it’s a revenge that can be exacted over and over again.

So, how does a man get out of changing those poopie diapers? There really is no way. They must accept that women are the craftier gender, who can and will make sure that they face those dreaded poopie diapers.

Got a clothespin anyone?