Junk Mail Return System

Somewhere, there’s actually a person who likes receiving junk mail. I’m not sure who they are or where they live, but I’m firmly convinced that they exist. Said person can probably show you the history of junk mail, how it has changed through the years, all with their personal collection of junk that they’ve saved. Why, it wouldn’t surprise me if that person even had their favorite pieces of junk mail framed and hanging on the wall.

Then there are the rest of us. To us, having to get the junk mail out of the mailbox and throw it in the trash is an insult. How dare those companies waste our time by making us take out their trash? Why, it’s an attack on our privacy having them invade our homes with their junk. Why doesn’t real life have a spam filter?

Hey, now there’s an idea; putting a spam filter on the mailbox, just like we do on our e-mail box. Just think, all that junk mail you receive would never have to come into your home. It could be taken care of at the curb, preventing you from wasting your time to throw it away.

Of course, something has to happen with that junk mail, in order to make it go away. We can’t just have it pile up in the mail box; it has to be disposed of in some way. If the mail box was connected to the trash can, it could be sent directly to the trash, saving us the step of having to deal with it ourselves.

Yet, there’s an even better way than that. A solution which is so simple as to be astounding. Since the companies which produce that junk like it so much, why not just send it back to them? A truly automated system, which could take in the mail, analyze it, determine which pieces are real and which ones are junk, then stamp the junk, “Return to Sender.”

Think of it, no more junk mail cluttering up your life. If those marketing experts like junk mail so much, just think how happy they’ll be to find mailbags full of it being dumped on their desks. Instead of filling up landfills, that junk can fill up their offices, while they try and figure out what to do with it. Instead of us having to think of what to do with it, they can. How fair, how just, how right.