Help! I Can’t Hide!

Ah… the Information Age; what a wonder. In a moment, you can find out anything about anyone; even things you’d rather not know. I mean really, who wants to know some of the things that people post on Facebook? Sometimes, it’s just a bit too much.

Whatever happened to privacy? It seems to have gone by the wayside, somewhere along the way. I mean, when I was growing up, there were things that were just kept private, you know? After all, who needs to know what size sneakers you wear? Unless, of course, they’re about to buy you a pair of new tennis as a gift; but that doesn’t seem to happen every day.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Big Brother is becoming real. Think of it, Facebook could be a one-world government plot to unify the world via the Internet. They’ve already got almost as big a population as the whole western hemisphere; a few more years, and they might even be bigger than China.

Think of what they can do with that information. Knowing your sneaker size could facilitate the job of planting a tracking device in your tennis. All they have to do is know which store you’re going to buy them in, and get there before you. Since you probably posted that you’re heading out to buy some new tennis, they’ve got a head start. Before you know it, every sneaker in that store will have a homing device hiding in the sole.

If that doesn’t work, they can just look up what gym you go to. There’s bound to be a moment, when you’re in the shower, that they can slip that tracking device into your shoes. Of course, if you keep telling people where you are on Facebook, they won’t have to; let’s just call it insurance.

Retailers are mining Facebook posts for information about your buying habits too. Actually, that’s what Facebook was created for. Just think, every time you post something about wanting to buy a widget, there’s a bunch of marketing professionals just salivating at the bell. They can’t wait to trip over one another, to sell you their latest and greatest widget model.

The next step is probably going to be having those marketing professionals jump through your computer monitor and jump up and down on your desk, vying for your attention. With more and more globalization, you could have a multi-racial dance going on, right there on your desktop. Just know that whichever one you pick, the rest of them will scream “RACIAL DISCRIMINATION!” whether it’s warranted or not.

I don’t know. Seems to me that it’s time to find someplace to hide. The all powerful eye in my computer is getting to know me all too well. Why, it might find out something really scary about me, like what color underwear I’m using. I can just see it now, somebody trying to sell me custom made underwear, made to fit my profile preferences. And I don’t even remember putting that on my profile.