The “Spring Cleaning Bug” has Bitten

Warning all men! Warning all men! The infamous Spring Cleaning Bug, otherwise known as the “Gotta Clean Bug” has made his annual visit, biting unsuspecting victims nationwide. Yes, this vicious pest has once again wrecked mayhem in homes nationwide, as it attacks victims mercilessly, infecting them with a desire to clean everything in sight. Even worse, those infected feel slighted by others who don’t join in their cleaning frenzy.

How can you tell if your wife has been attacked by this vicious pest? Simple; she’s changed from being a mild-mannered mom and wife into a cleaning machine. Boxes and cabinets which haven’t been opened for a year are suddenly flung open, their contents dumped out and everything sorted, cleaned and repacked. One obvious sign of this symptom is the growing pile of miscellaneous stuff waiting for the first garage sale of the year.

Old bowling trophies, your favorite coffee mug and your high-school football jersey are all likely to end up in that pile, if you but turn your back for a moment. This is dangerous, as it can cause incredible levels of domestic strife. Arguing with her about it won’t do any good, so don’t bother trying. The only thing you can do is to sneak a few of those precious treasures out of the pile, when she goes for the next load. Careful though, you want to make sure you hide them well.

While she is the prime victim of this pesky attack, you can be sure that you will be dragged into it as well. While you may not end up infected by the bite, you can be sure that you will be drafted to take part in cleaning the basement, garage or attic. Never fear, this at least will give you a chance to save some of your most valuable treasures.

Unfortunately, it won’t stop there. There’s a good chance that you’ll soon finding yourself precariously perched on the top of your tallest extension ladder, washing the upstairs windows and cleaning the gutters. However, as distasteful as this duty is, don’t complain, or you’ll end up painting the trim while you’re there.

There are only two known “cures” for the bite of the Spring Cleaning Bug. The first of these is time. Eventually, the effects of the bug wear off, diminishing in their intensity and returning the home to normal. The other one is to distract the victim from cleaning. This risky strategy requires a major distraction to function. So, unless you have been saving for that Caribbean cruise you’ve always wanted to go on, your chances of success are limited.

Take heart, men have been surviving the infection of the Spring Cleaning Bug longer than you and I have been alive. You too will survive this attack, none the less for wear. Who knows, you may find something in the attic which you thought went out in the garage sale of five years ago.