Have you ever noticed how well some women can lose their car
in a parking lot? While any parking lot will do for this, the true car loser
really shines when they go to the mall. There’s something about a shopping trip
that makes women forget how they even got to there. Why, some of them can’t
even remember which car they drove to the mall, let alone where they left it.
Countless woman hours and even some man hours have been
spent in searching mall parking lots for lost cars. The truly expert car loser
can spend hours, circling the parking lot over and over again, trying to
remember what their car looked like and where they left it. Often, the only
solution left to these poor souls is to wait until the mall closes and everyone
else leaves. Then you can still find 20 or 30 women circling the parking lot,
wondering which of the cars which have been left behind is theirs.
Some progress has been made in this plight by the advent of the
remote door lock. With it, these women can walk up and down the aisles of the
parking lot, pushing their button, and waiting for a car to respond. While it
still requires excessive time, at least when they get close to their own car,
it can recognize them.
A solution to this issue has been proposed in building upon
the idea of the remote door lock. It would require some modifications to these
women’s cars, but the savings in hours of traipsing through parking lots in
high heels would be worth it.
The simple chance that has been proposed is to mount a light
and siren on the top of these women’s cars, much like the bubble gum machine on
a police cruiser. To increase effectiveness, this should be installed on an
elevator lift, so that it can be lifted 20 or 30 feet into the air. That way,
the lights and siren wouldn’t be lost in the sea of SUVs and monster trucks
surrounding those women’s cars. Some other minor technical details would have
to be worked out, like increasing the range of the remote and an interlock to
ensure that the car can’t move with the light elevator raised.
Imagine it, stepping out the door of the mall and instantly
being able to tell where your car is, with just a simple push of the button. No
more hours of killing your ankles walking through the parking lot or having to
wait till the mall closes to find your car. What a boon to efficiency!
Of course, if this idea caught on too well, it could cause
some additional problem. Three or four women all exit the mall and push their
buttons at the same time. One car answers and they all run for it. It would be
like a reverse Cinderella story, but instead of whose foot fits the shoe, the
winner would be whose key fits the car. The losers would then have to go back
in the mall, find another exit and try again.
While this slight modification would be rather costly, it
would be much cheaper than having to replace the car every time it gets lost in
the mall parking lot. I’m sure that the marketing wizards would catch onto that
and use it as a way to further their sales of the car’s women finding system.
A note to the ladies: Before you get offended, thinking I'm making fun of you; remember, this blog is satire. It's about making fun of life. If you can't laugh at this, then maybe you need to get your funny bone checked. I'm really not being sexist, chauvinistic or any of those other bad things, I'm just laughing at the crazy situations we encounter in life.
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